Stars In The Gutter

or maybe not. 

i teased my hair every day for 6 days straight. >_>  i just washed it out and have mini-dreads and knots im pretty sure i have to cut out. 

its.

so.

awesome.

8DDDD

illiad and i are such fat kids. seriously. we ordered a large pizza from Fox’s. Most people have never eaten there or even know what they are. there are only a handful of them in Ohio, and im not sure they have ‘em anywhere else. They make NY style pizza (thin crust, only way to be bitches) and its so freaking greasey you could paint with it (and we have.) But while we were sitting here, eating our greasey pizza, we are watching the Carnivore Chronicles. We eat, we watch other people eat and we talk about eating. 

Most people watch porn, fuck people and talk about fucking. Not us. we eat, watch people eat and talk about eating. 

Fuck yeah food porn.

As some of you who are on my FB may or may not have heard, my dad was having serious chest pains tonight and has had them for a few nights now… after some minor research and some personal hunches i told him to go to the ER. 

we got there, they did some tests and the prospect was not what i had hoped. my dad has a blockage in his heart. the pains he have been having were precursors to a heartattack. he was transported tonight to another hospital out of the podunk countryside where they can do a heart catheter and possibly if that doesnt work, a bypass. 

im not worried about him. hes a strong man, he always has been… but my dad is 66. he works 50-70 hour weeks in a factory doing very strenuous labor on machines. he works hard for us… and i know its killing him. he supports 5 people on his salary… 

its really sort of terrifying to face losing your parents at 20. im just a kid… the world would eat me alive, and i know it. 

so my dad is having heart troubles, may need surgery and im faced with losing him.

when i was a kid, my mom found out she has an inoperable brain tumor that is growing off her brainstem. she wasnt supposed to live long enough to see me hit middle school. shes 67 now, but the tumor keeps growing, shes lost most of the sight on one of her eyes because its pressing on her brain. shes not so ok… her health is falling and fast… if something happens to my dad, i know shes gonna go too…

and what will i do then? thatll be it. i mean i dont have any other family. at all…. and i cant get out of here… i…

i dont think i can do this, i dont have anyone to blame it on if he dies… i… i cant lose both my parents this young, im not prepared for the world outside of my room.

i know that.

-joji 

batcave:

doceticmountain:

Goth guys DO wear hideous shit, dude

Not me! I am a special and unique snowflake.

^that XD

what happened to goth being fucking classy? fuck that ill keep my velvet pants.

rants/debates/long conversations about gender identity and equality with my bb. Illiad is so good for discussing things with.